Welcome to Weigh in Wednesday!! It’s been 2 weeks since my last weigh in and since I was on vacation camping with family, I had no access to internet, a computer, or a scale to check my progress!
Needless to say, I was expecting a HUGE gain — the combination of no control of foods (at the mercy of family/restaurants), no regular schedule (for working or running, though I tried to be active each day), no way to track progress… it all lead to a bit of anxiety as I was SURE that I gained 10 pounds or completely derailed my progress.
On my last weigh in day, my moving average was 186.3.
This morning, I weighed in at 190!!! This would mean a GAIN of 3.7lbs over two weeks :(…
My current Happy Scale Results are as follows:
I’m actually shocked that I didn’t gain even more. The whole vacation, I was not in control of my eating… at all! (And, TBH, If my mother in law or father in law cook something, I’m going to eat it gratefully — because I appreciate them and their generosity. I’m not going to pick through it to take out what I shouldn’t eat. I’m not going to fix something else for myself just for the sake of “eating clean”. It would hurt their feelings, as they feed to show they love and I DO NOT want to even accidentally hurt their feelings!)
This meant that fried fish, potato chips, cookies, cake, and ice cream were all on the menu. I mean I indulged pretty much every day — but it was all home cooked or hand made.
To see a gain of a bit less than 4 pounds — I mean that could be from the increased sodium intake! That’s not enough to discourage me or make me feel bad. I had ice cream SEVERAL times! I’m actually pretty happy! I enjoyed myself, didn’t insult anyone, and didn’t fully “ruin” my diet.
This got me to thinking a lot about my approach to weight loss. It’s been very restrictive so far — an obsession really. I constantly think about food and almost feel panicky if I’m not sure what’s for next meal… it’s super lame.
Something I’ve always struggled with (in life and with weight loss) is extending and receiving Grace. My family is the kind that will count every insult – perceived or real – and hold each against you forever. I’m still “paying” for things I did as a toddler — or younger. My birth story is still supposedly indicative of the kind of person I am today…
I’m setting myself a goal of extending grace/forgiveness to others when I feel insulted or hurt. This goal is also extended to me — I need to have compassion for myself and my past in order to move forward instead of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. This is especially true with weight loss and fitness.
On days when I don’t eat as clean and healthy as I could’ve/should’ve, I just need to let it go. Usually, I try to “make up” for a bad day of eating with crazy exercise and restrictive meals. This just ends up starting a cycle of restriction to the point of breaking, then binging, then feeling guilty and restricting again. NOT GOOD!
Instead, each day I’ll try to do a little better than the day before. But if life happens, it happens. “Move on,” I’ll tell myself. Life’s too short to keep battling myself and beating myself up for not being perfect or “hardcore” enough.
This of course is not a license to do what I please — I’m worthy of a healthy diet and foods that make me feel good, energized, and strong. I’m worthy of a strong frame that lifts, runs, and moves without pain. But I’m also worthy of a less anxious approach to eating.